The Lighthouse Parenting Program, a reflective parenting program developed by Jerry Berne, is based on the achievements of mentalization-based therapy (MBT), and aims to improve parents’ reflective abilities and strengthen parent-child relationships through a unique combination of psychoeducation and individual and group psychotherapy.

The program helps parents better understand and respond to their children’s needs, build epistemic trust in parent-child relationships, and promote healthy development.

The Lighthouse Parenting Program is a parenting support program that helps adults better understand a child’s inner world, manage intense emotions in relationships, rebuild connections after rifts, and foster secure attachment.

The central idea: parenting is not merely a set of correct techniques. A child needs an adult who can keep them in mind, take an interest in their inner world, and reestablish contact after moments of misunderstanding, anger, shame, or fear. The program does not promise perfect parenting. On the contrary, it is based on the premise that mistakes, failures in mentalization, and breaks in connection are inevitable. The key is not to avoid them entirely, but to learn to recognize, reflect on, and restore the connection.

The Ukrainian community was first introduced to the program in 2022. Currently, a more in-depth introduction to the approach is being implemented in Ukraine, along with training for future specialists and the launch of parent groups. The adaptation of the program takes into account the Ukrainian context of prolonged war, loss, instability, and the heavy burden on families. In this sense, the “Lighthouse” program is not only methodological but also supportive for parents: the lighthouse serves as a symbol of support, helping adults maintain their bearings in challenging emotional circumstances.

The program is closely aligned with the Jungian tradition through its rich symbolic and figurative language. The program’s metaphors – the sea, the lighthouse, the harbor, the beam of light, the raft, and the pirates – are not merely decorative. They serve a therapeutic function: they help parents frame complex psychological processes in an accessible, vivid, and easily memorable way.

The Program’s Key Theoretical Foundations

Mentalization

Mentalization is the ability to see internal states – feelings, desires, fears, intentions, and needs – behind behavior. For parents, this means being able to ask themselves: “What might be going on inside my child?” and “What is happening inside me right now that is hindering or helping me see my child?”

The approach does not offer parents ready-made instructions such as “do this” or “give a time-out for this many minutes.” Its goal is to help parents develop their own ability to see their child more clearly and respond to their needs in a specific situation.

Attachment and Security

An important point is the critique of oversimplified notions of secure attachment. Security does not mean that a person never feels lost, lonely, or frightened. Security means that in moments of confusion, loneliness, or fear, a person has the experience and skills to return to a secure person, place, or internal image of connection.

Feeling secure means knowing the way back to a secure person, a secure place, or an experience that helps one endure intense emotions.

Epistemic Trust

Epistemic trust is a child’s fundamental willingness to trust what a significant adult tells them about the world and about themselves. A child seeks their identity in the consciousness of another: “I exist as the person who cares for me sees and understands me.” This makes the child open to learning, but at the same time vulnerable. If an adult mistakenly or traumatically labels the child as “mean,” “ungrateful,” or “bad,” these perceptions can be internalized as part of the child’s self-image.

Development of the Self Through Reflection

A child’s development occurs through a movement from the external to the internal: at first, the child needs another person to see, name, and validate their feelings; later, they gradually learn to recognize these feelings within themselves. If a child’s sadness, fear, anger, or envy have been accurately mirrored and validated, the child better understands what is happening in their body and mind.

Changing the Perspective on the Child

One of the program’s central goals is to help parents move from a flat, two-dimensional view of behavior to a three-dimensional, nuanced picture of the child. For example, a child’s crying can be interpreted as tiredness, anger, a refusal to engage, a need for sleep, or a need for their parents. A mentalization-based approach does not stop at the first explanation but asks clarifying questions: “How can I verify this?” “What else might be true?”

Not a Technique, but an Approach

An important distinction between the program and directive parenting training: Lighthouse isn’t limited to behavioral instructions. The program doesn’t tell parents how many minutes a time-out should last or which set phrase to always use. It supports the development of an internal stance—curiosity, doubt, the ability to tolerate uncertainty, and to reestablish contact.

Lithuania is currently conducting a study on the effectiveness of this program. The results show a decrease in coercive/harsh parenting practices, reduced parental stress, increased parental confidence, and a reduction in emotional and behavioral difficulties among children. The program is effective in enhancing parental sensitivity and confidence.

 

• Official site of Lighthouse Parenting
• Solas Oxford programmes
• Solas Oxford research
• Anna Freud — Lighthouse MBT Parenting Programme
• Foundations — evaluation of Lighthouse Parenting Programme / Supporting Parents Project

The Professional Association of Child Analytical Psychologists (PAChAP) is the project provider in Ukraine, organizing training for specialists, offering supervisory support, and launching parent groups.

Project Coordinator in Ukraine: Oksana Pivovarova pyvovarova@padap.com.ua

The program for professionals will begin in October 2026. This is the first stage of training.

Registration for free parents groups will start in mid-November 2026.

 Registration form for the training program starting in October 2026 for professionals:

For any questions regarding the program, please contact the project coordinator.

Registration form for the parent support group: